She lays here quietly sleeping.. So hot to the touch but I continue to rub her bare back. She moans.. and aches.. I place the cold rice bag upon her neck.. making sure that it crosses the arteries. I am exhausted.
What time did this start.. 4:30.. OK not really last night she was a bit winy and then there was the complaint of the sore throat before bedtime. .." Go gargle Ittie .. " was my reply in the motherly voice that half took her seriously and half believed she was delaying bedtime. When will I learn to add up the scenarios
4:30 .. the looming feeling of something over my head.. a poke to my arm.. another.. "mama" in a hushed whisper. huh.. Ittie what time is it? I flip the phone over .. see the time.. 4:30 seems to glares out wincing my eyes at the harsh reality of time and brightness from the phone. Reality: it is way to early. the long breathe in..
"OK Ittie lets go back to bed" some how is pushed out by air from my lungs at a hushed voice. "mama..I don't feel good" I reach up feel her head.. Its cool.. a bit clammy but I write this off as I had adjusted the thermostat and Ittie is a famous cover tosser. She has perfected the sport.. Even to the point of tucking it in all around her and then finding her butt up in the air. Face sideways on pillow.. Sheet beneath her pulled up and covers pushed down.. At the thought of this picture.. this is why she is cooler. "OK Ittie , you don't feel hot, throat still sore.. probably post nasal drip" my inner voice finishes the rationalization you were playing outside today probably exposure to grass and such. All logical right. "mama I feel like I am going to throw-up" .. OK Ittie.. there is a bowl next to your bed figuring to myself if its post nasal drip nausea is possible.
Then it happens.. I hear the cry the cough.. the sound that is regurgitation.. and then the foot steps "Mama.. I just threw up.. " but I am getting up. She is a bit warmer of course this goes along with the up-chuck of the remainder of last nights meal. It was an easy night Kraft mac and cheese and applesauce. I am thankful for this both for her sake and mine. I dispose of the evidence.. Get out the thermometer.. Avery on queue opens mouth, lifts tongue.. insert device.. drops tongue and closes mouth. In a 10 count.. BEEP BEEP .. 99.9 with a yellow background. "I am yellow, she declares" Yep Ittie Yellow not bad but not great.. lets get some ibuprofen. I sloth down the stairs now mostly awake and trying to get my legs to realize that returning back to bed is not really an option.. The young pups bark at the creek the golden announcement to them that someone approaches to let them out .. Shhhh comes out of my mouth.. "not yet" They can't understand you is the thought that immediately goes through my mind. They don't get that she is sick upstairs and you are muddling through finding the ibuprofen.. I get the sacred med. and fumble through the everything utensil drawer looking for a medicine syringe. Found one awesome.. OK now back up the stairs.. Cry.. Cough.. regurgitation.. "Mama."..... ugh this is going to be a long day
I don't remember Harriet leaving for work. I remember my sick kid on the couch. Cartoons on.. Me trying to get her to sip some flat sprite. I called the school to inform them she wouldn't be in.. It's the principal he knows me by voice and name and immediately states "Avery ....s Mrs G.... not in today. I hope she feels better is the reply on the phone." "Me too is mine" as I look over to the limp noodle that has become my daughter on the couch. "mama I hurt.. my stomach hurts." Ok Ittie lets try a tums and see . munch munch.. she downs ones.. sips sprite.. 20 minutes go by she feels a bit better.. then the dash.. she doesn't quite make it.. "Sorry mama" Its OK Ittie you tried did you get it on you? So much for the sprite and tums. She goes between warm and clammy. moaning and somewhat watching TV.. Then to a crawl on my lap.. I hold her as if she were a babe again.. a 6 month old cuddled up.. I hold her close, stroke her head .. gently kiss it. Oh this child..
8:30.. thank god I can call... I get through on the second try. HI there.. This is Gretchen Binney, my child.. has been not able to keep anything down since 4:30. Can we come in today. I hear the secretary say ohh partially in empathy I suppose and partially in looking for a time. "I have a 4:20".. an answer that came with this is all I have and I know you wanted maybe needed something sooner. "We'll take it and if anything happens that worse, we have plan B. Plan B deals with going to the ER at a temp of 103 and or severe cramping. I am not getting her to hold anything down so the usual rotation of fever control isn't working today. She takes something 10 to 20 minutes both Avery and I are revisited by that which was once consumed. She bears the brunt of this. All I can do is comfort and think.. what next.. The day goes on. Ittie gets worse. Fever goes to 101 and doesn't come back down.. "Mama I am in the red, states Ittie with some concern" yes baby its red but just at the beginning of Red not late red so we are going to do this cool rice pack, wash rag.. no covers, and bare minimum to reduce how much heat is staying in your body.
"mama I am weak" and she shakes with the mug of water. I look at the time is 12.. Really 4 more ..$%^&*# hours.. OK its OK I tell myself. I put the cup down. Want me to read a book. "yes and a little smile. So I pull out a long story. It was about a pony who wanted to be with kids. Of course this is a good story its a kid friendly pony that wants kids to ride it. Ittie adds a question or observation here and there but mostly leans in. I am happy it gives me the illusion that I am protecting her more.. but truly it's an illusion .. Some microscopic bug viral or bacterial most likely is rampaging through her body. It's an internal war that I can only give support.
"mama stay up here with me" "ok Ittie.. and I start singing her lullaby. " I must admit it is an easy toon, and I make up part of the lyrics each time but she likes it and finds it soothing.. (not sure how I have heard my singing soothing is not quite the word I would use for it.. more like the gull from Little Mermaid.. and awkward squawk.. ) No Matter she likes and is falling asleep as I rub her back and stroke her hair.. She is hot and in pain. Her legs are cramping and she can't keep any liquid down. I am anxious and feeling helpless at the fact that I am waiting .. waiting for this magical time of 4:30 . Wanting magical powers to poof away the illness and pain.. The tingling of fear has just started. The fear that your kid is sick.. the one that works its way in with worry and fret. I push it back.
Harriet arrives home.. ahh some relief or another soul just to compare all the steps today with. All checks out. Then Ittie's dad calls. I had called several times today in-between things. He had left his phone in the car the night before. I have to say my last two messages were curt.. not mean but very direct.. Your child is sick, she is not at school, I need to know if you are going to take her to her Dr. appointment. It is his time with her so .. and we talk he comes out. picks Avery up. As she loads into the car. I give him the scenario the script of the day at least 3 times. "Makes sure to mention her legs are cramping and that nothing no liquid is staying down" "OK" he looks at me wearily but understanding.
I shut the door and they are off. We text while at they are at the Dr. Office. It's viral. so nothing to help make it go away quicker. If she continues to vomit then tomorrow the Doctor is having her hospitalized and of course if the fever shoots any higher and the cramping or symptoms get worse.. go to the ER tonight. Great so this could go either way in the next 24 hours.. Awesomeness..
8:30 PM.. Text received "she is keeping liquids down for an hour now" YAY... OK its a small thing.. but I know this means some absorption has happened in the small intestine. Phew I think.. I speak with her. She sounds weak. "I love you Ittie.." " I love you mama"
Maybe this is a story of love, of me being a neurotic, worrisome mom. Maybe both. I look back over the last 24 hours and the feelings and actions and all the emotions thoughts and behaviors that this experience contained. It was a microcosm of life. It is part of parenting. It is part of loving. Ittie is the force that grounds me, drives me and keeps me real. She forces me to pull out strengths that I didn't even understand I have had and patience that I needed. She tempers my fears with the need for rationality and calm. Every day, each moment I share with this wonderful being I am blessed and driven to be the best authentic me so I can be the best person for her, for me for my family.
