I don't like rants.. I don't like when I have a problem without possible solutions before me. It taxes me.. toils inside my very being gnawing away. Yes there are somethings that I must let go .. I understand that but usually I only do after I have tried to view the issue from every angle .. and somethings just continue to hang with me.
I must admit I have and often don't feel comfortable in the "LGBT" community. Honestly I don't get why I have to have a "community". I dwell in the middle between the lands not feeling as if either is home. There is straight land and LGBT land. Both communities with their issues.. but even this line shows the division. I don't like the label. I don't like the divide.. I want the label HUMAN.. Part of this world since 1974. And my atoms and molecules that bind this body together have been here for longer just now in a different composition. So why is it that because I am with a woman as my partner.. I long to belong again.
Could it be this:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. A bit simplistic explanation but you get the model.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maslow's_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg
Since I have been "out." I don't believe I have changed other then maybe feeling like I don't have a deep dark skeleton looming over me. That dark skeleton wasn't being GAY.. or Bi or whatever label you may think is necessary to understand my attraction., It was fear of loosing my 3rd level of the triangle.. The drop to not having acceptance and belonging. This fear was based in a myth and the lack of trust that my amazing friends and family members would turn away from me instead of just look at me continue to say duh.. we love you.. doesn't really matter the sex of the person you are with, What does matter is the character of the person you are with. (The latter response and acceptance is exactly the reception I received 90% of the time?)
What I feel is others may have changed their perception of me. I joke about being the gay person. or in my "gay" community about being the token bi-sexual. Everyone needs their token person right. My jokes: I vowed not to have any more then one lesbian couple on the coed softball team because it left a staffing issue on vacations. I jest about myself and the stereotypes not only to put other people at ease but also myself. Like: I played golf, softball, fished, like home improvement, hiking boots are apart of my daily ensemble with flannel and yes I really want to own a Jeep. Laughter does help it makes the elephant in the room a bit smaller. It opens up discussion.
What I have a problem with is letting go of the elephant.. Maybe it is because of where I live. Maybe it is because I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that Harriet and I both need to write wills so we can protect each other and also make sure Sam and Avery are taken care of. Marriage isn't a legal remedy for us so having to go to extra legal lengths and trying to insure ourselves enough so that after the inheritance tax that applies to us but not a married couple. Harriet can still run the farm.
http://rainbowlegaltalk.typepad.com/rainbow_legal_talk/2009/08/five-common-pitfalls-in-domestic-partner-estate-planning-part-ii.htmlTo combine their property as one family unit, something previously discussed as being a top goal of many committed domestic partner couples. While it simply does not sound “right” to a lot of people since they believe they should be able to give their property to anyone they choose without being taxed, I can assure you that this tax is very real. And, no, this tax does not affect married couples at all because they have something called the “unlimited marital deduction,” which allows unlimited gifts and unlimited inheritance without taxes for U.S. Citizen spouses.
I am jealous of my "straight" friends who can insure their spouse. In fact if they wanted to they could get married to an opposite sex friend and then insure them without that being counted as income. If I insure Harriet, it would cost out of pocket an extra 300 plus dollars a month in taxation for the coverage. The same coverage that my heterosexual friends would pay nothing over the family premium for because its not taxable.
When employees elect health insurance coverage from their employers for their families, the majority of their employers contribute to at least half of the insurance coverage's cost. For employees with different-sex spouses, federal and state tax law do not require employers to report their contribution to the employee's or the employee's different-sex spouse as taxable wages earned — the value of the health insurance coverage can be excluded from the employee's gross income.http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/taxation-of-domestic-partner-benefits
Non-dependent same-sex partners and spouses (and their dependents) are treated differently under federal and most states' tax laws:
See: Federal laws impacting domestic partner benefits.
- Imputed income: the estimated value of the employer's financial contribution towards health insurance coverage for non-dependent same-sex partners must be reported as taxable wages earned.
- Employees: This tax penalty, depending on the individual and the estimated value of the health benefit, can be in the thousands of dollars per year and can result in the individual paying upwards of 50% more in federal taxes. As of 2007, employees with partner benefits pay on average $1,069 per year more in taxes than would an employee with the same coverage for a different-sex spouse. See the Williams Institute and Center for American Progress report: Unequal Taxes on Equal Benefits
- Employers: Because the imputed income increases the employee's overall taxable income, it also increases the employer's payroll taxes — the federal Social Security (FICA) and unemployment insurance tax (FUTA) that employers pay based on employees' taxable incomes. According to the same CAP/Williams Institute report,employers collectively pay a total of $57 million per year in additional payroll taxes because of this unequal tax treatment. Employers also face additionaladministrative burdens of annually tracking the dependent status of covered same-sex partners and spouses and maintaining separate payroll functions for income tax withholding and payroll taxes.
- Pre-tax dollars may not be used to pay for the partner's coverage, limiting the use of Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs), Health Reimbursement Accounts (HRAs) and Health Savings Accounts (HSAs).
Health Care issues, impacts, rights waivers.. etc.. And yes while some of these issues have a work around.. It does not treat myself and Harriet who would love to be "married" the same as many of my friends who have the option to marry under the law.
Note I said law/ government not Church.. When taxation , inheritance, governing rights to the individual are involved this is a government and legal matter. Not religious matter.
I joke about this because it hurts me. Honestly did I give this much thought before.. Nope I didn't get all of it. I believe that if two consenting adults wanted to get married. OK.. I mean hey people do it all the time in Vegas right?? Think about it, Man "Hi you sure are pretty." Woman. "Oh thank you.. that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me..." A couple drinks and hours later.. maybe some dancing.. "want to get married.. We must be soul mates.. " Going to the chapel..... and there Elvis presides.. to the newly married couple. So why do they who have known each other for 6 hours of intense destiny get more rights then Harriet and I. We dated for 6 months. She stayed with me after a surgery. It worked so well that she stayed longer. She proposed to me at 8 months. and We were looking for houses after that.
I get why we have a community.. Our community is a refuge from all the intolerance all the ignorance, the justifications, the turning of a blind eye..The there are bigger issues in this country. A place where people understand what work around do not equal equality. Yet I am still torn.. I don't want the label.. I want to be me.. Gretchen.. I don't want the burden of helping others with their tolerance of me for the simple fact that I love an amazing person of character, strength kindness and fortitude. I love an amazing authentic soul and anyone would be lucky to have Harriet in their life. I don't want the label because my other friends don't have to have one..
But I am wrong: Married is a label.. they get a community its called marriage. It has privileges and rights to the IN the in group.
