My good friend H. and I were discussing the changing world around us and both noticed much to our notable surprise and amusement, we are no longer the youngest of the herd of people at work. I am sure this happened over night.. The same as I fully believe that Ittie went from 3 months to 6 years in a blink of an eye.
"When did this happen ? " we both say. In my mind I believe " another one of my mother's phrases" has slipped out of my lips only to seal the deal that I am a woman "of that certain age". You know the age of when you sneeze you must cross your legs. The age where gravity has taken the back of your arm and when the wind blows your tri -ceps seem to wave to the world. The age that things have started to pop, creek and ache a bit. The age were every day you wake up open your eyes you appreciate that you have another day to have an apprehensive sneeze, ache or waving triceps and mutter one of mom or grandmother's catch phrases.
We discuss and pause almost afraid to say the words that we are now in the LATE 30's / 40 something crowd. My mind rushes and with a flood of pictures as I realize my biology teacher in 7th grade was this age when she met me. Mrs.
But wait a minute . Hold on , I really liked these individuals. I admired them for their take on life and knew they were adults that I wanted to be like. They were past the zealousness and had settled into a passion for life and authenticity. They picked their battles and laughed much . They seemed to have that secret to life. The anxiety settles a bit.
I ponder if my pillars pondered also. If at 37, 38 .. 40 they had these moment of stark reality. When they looked around at their working cohort , the faces populat ing the space around them that were much younger and too thought - When did that happen?
When they heard the anxiety of the 20 somethings in their vigor, did they shake their heads smile and nod. Go oh the energy and view they have. Were they thankful for the knowledge that not everything is a battle or something that needs all that much attention..
I am enjoying 37 . It is a good age for me. It agrees with me , or maybe I finally decided to accept and be who I am. Is that the years.. the person or a bit of both ? It's a peaceful experience even in a year that we have had much stress and non-peaceful events.
I have noticed a few grey hairs here and there. My hands I believe look more like my mother's and aunt ' s as I remember from my childhood. I sing in the car or hum to myself without really caring about the social implications of my slightly (understated) off tune voice. I wear plaid shirts over my tshirts, my farm jeans, work boots into town and don't think about what I look like as we go into the eating establishment because I am paying for the meal at the restaurant just like everyone else (thank you grandpa). There is not alot of fretting that goes on.
This is what I notice about my f riends of our Late 30's and 40's , we are comfortable in our skin. We accept each other as we are and know the journey's that we have each taken to get here. It is peaceful. It is joyous and humorous. We have the ability to share the ups and downs with each other without the entanglement of making it our own. Our laughter is loud , our smiles are broad , our love and care for each other is true and deep. The strength and fortitude that each individual carries on a daily basis amazes me. Their humility and dignity is noble.
So while we are not the youngest , we have a few more aches and trials of life , we handle them with grace and dignity. It did happen in a flash. The last 10 years. I know , it only goes faster and the faces around will continue to get younger. Except for the Ittie Bit who isn't so Ittie any more and before I know it will be in high school.. college.. and beyond and I will be blogging.. How did I get to 50 ? I was just 37 and comfortable in my skin...
You make me smile . . . and you make me proud to call you my cousin . . even though we are several, several, several times removed.
ReplyDeleteI don't know when I became comfortable in my own skin . . . I just think I always was. I never dated and it never bothered me. DOn;t know why I didn't, and don't know why no one asked, and. really, it still dowsn't bother me . . but it does make me wonder.
I do know that I have always been a "what will be will be" person . . . until the middle of the night when everything seems to be scarey . . . then daylight comes and the world becomes orderly again.
I don't practice my religion in church on Sunday . . . as a matter of fact, when I told an old Sunday School pal Gene and I were geting married in church she said she better get her church going in because the building would come down . . LOLOL But, I do believe we all have a plan set out for us before we are even a thought in our parents minds. When we do appear, the script is there and we set out on our own individual road. Some people's lives are scripted to be full of meloncholy, strife, hatered, pain, unfulfillment, etc. Then, some are lucky and are born to handle those things when their road hits those bumps.
My script had to be to remain single until I met the "one" when we were both old . . . and when I found out his upbringing was in the same denomination as I, and there are not a lot of us, and he had never been married either, and didn't care one way or another . . PLUS, we met online, I new he was a part of my script and I started the next "season" of my script.
Again, Miss Gretchen, you make me think. When do we become what we are and why are we who we are and our friends aren't us?