Mingling Essence and the Passage of Cupcake.

Cupcake the gosling died today.  We haven't had cupcake long.  She was the tag along side kick to the ducks and the other goose Banana.  They are currently residing in a water tank with heat lamp in the garage.

The loss of cupcake hurts as does the loss of the other 4 ducklings and 6 turkey chicks that the cold snap has caused.  It's an interesting hard painful lesson for everyone involved. 

Avery is sad when finding a dead chick. She wants to hold the dead bird as if willing it back to life.  Ittie pets the lifeless body in her hands.  It is hard to watch but I let it happen; I understand.   I held four of the dying birds in my hands as they struggled and passed on.   She asks if we can bury it like we did her hamster.   It is a moment of reality .. a moment of innocence and a moment of dignity that my daughter wants to give to this life that is lost.

My answer is" baby we can not bury every animal that is going to die on this farm".   So she gets a rock and then asks me to write the word DUCK on it.. "mama so we will have something to remember it by"

Yes Ittie I will write Duck on the stone.  I am going to need to find a bigger stone for cupcake. Cupcake was going to be a gray goose. Avery liked to pick the gosling up and hold cupcake close.  Hmm.   

I have another day before Avery returns home from her fathers to tell her that cupcake is with us no longer. Look at her face.  She will feel sadness but she will be OK.   That's the lesson in this isn't it. To have some loss, sadness and still be OK.  To still enjoy Mac and Cheese and the licks of the waggly puppy that awaits her.   To miss but to move forward and continue life.  It's a lesson that will be revisited time and again through out the dealings with the farm and just in life.

Maybe this is that extra piece of wisdom the farm kids had that I didn't as a growing up city kid.  There was something a bit more acceptance of life and earthiness.  It was a sense of being.  Now I understand a sense of stark reality.    Perception changes when animals move from being revered in the wild, on the nature show or as the household pet to being an investment part of your livelihood.

We are walking a line between the hard cold view of just livestock and the reality of animals purpose.  The ability to let go of the guilt of the loss of the life that we took the responsibility of nurturing and raising.   The letting go that every one of these animals are not pets but keeping the ethics that all of the animals on the farm deserve a good, healthy, happy safe environment.   Be it family friend or barnyard foul. 

This is challenging my beliefs on life, purpose, souls.  Ethics truly on animals.   I see all sides of discussion.  But in the end in the moment when my family and I look at the animals in our charge, it comes down to us to stay true to our vision of some self sufficiency and the "small farm" and balancing our love for animals and their life.

This philosophy as it evolves will surely challenge us and pull at our heart strings.   This week has proven that.  It shows the flip side to the romanticism of "life on the farm."  Yet at the same time is the poetic balance. 

We will continue to learn and I need to look for a good place for a rock garden that can have the words duck and Cupcake.. I believe I will plant some flowers there and put in a little pond.  This seems like a decent tribute to the lives of the animals that will touch us for a moment or for years.  Each passing on a bit of themselves, and in every way reminding us of the balance and the ability for joy, peace, sorrow, happiness to mingle together in the daily of our lives.