My hands are cold on my face.. The water drops seem thickened as they glimmer in the morning sun.. Tiny pools caught somewhere between ice and water. I love this time of year.
This signals something in me.. A need to move a time of change. Action.
The Case International has made a couple passes in the corn field across the road.
The cats fur is becoming a bit thicker and dense.
The turkeys.. it is time to make some phone calls about our four male turkeys.
We are purging all that is not needed for the winter months. Stuff to be moved, sold, thrown out .. goes.. Everything else needs to be insulated, packed away .. saved..
I look at the barn.. Think we have a month. Finish the roofing repairs, get the doors on. Electricity to that barn will have to happen next year. Look to the small barns and start thinking of the path for the trench that will hold the conduit for the electric line and for plumbing.
Gaze at the pond wondering when I will get to sink a line in the coming days.. will I have time. The little row boat needs to be moved to the pole barn and put up for winter
There are lots of projects to be finished in the coming days. Lots of work to be done in the dwindling daylight and into the twilight hours.
Warm drinks to be enjoyed, soups to be tried and tested. Camp fires to be started a place to warm up while moving around outside. A place to stare and loose your thoughts and worries into the flames..
Ittie is in change also. From K to 1st. Her thoughts, her actions, her knowledge move and change like this season. Her ability to ponder and discuss with her bounding imagination and indulgence in humor flavors the soul with an essence that leaves me savoring each moment with her.
"Mama".. yes Ittie.."what does the mama tomato say to the baby tomato"... what Ittie.. "Catsup" A giggle and smile of an imp comes out of her as I can't help but smile back and be proud of the punch line.
The wind blows and the sounds of the metal roof, banging wood, wisping corn stalks, raking tree limbs, thuds of apples falling from trees, ducks quacking is the symphony that fills the air..
Ittie, Sam Harriet and I live in this spot.. This moment in time. Our bit of Heaven on Earth. I move to pick up kindling and stack it next to the wood pile. Smell the earth, take in the low orange waves that are appearing on the horizon. Breathe deep.. Feel my cold hands.. How I love this time of year.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Me and Faith... a road full of bumps, curves, and still being traveled.
First off: Note this entirely personal. Not a comment made to be bashed, thrown around idealized.. It's my philosophical journey. It is rooted in several different experiences, views, feelings and interpretations. This solely represents MY FAITH, SPIRITUALITY. VIEWS and Beliefs. So before journeying on into this written endeavour to weed out some of my philosophy and driving force on life.. Please free your mind enough to see that.. if you can't and you journey on or stop. Either way I am looking for discourse.. Because I believe through challenge and discussion we can find understanding, tolerance, truth.. or at least a path to civility.
I remember being 10.. crossing the street and thinking.. "if there is a God, then this God does not care about me and so I don't care about this GOD. IE God doesn't exist." It was an interesting time in the least at my house. My father had left for the second time in my life. All my siblings were away. Carl and Suzanne at College, Mike was out in the real world. I was home with Mom. What I saw at times was a woman broken. A woman who prayed and there was "no deliverance" for me, her, US.. I would go home to find her curled up in such despair that she was unreachable. Checked out.. At times she would snap out of it.. and be vested but alot of this time was alone and in my head. My father came back, chaos remained and I went along silently.
15 .. dad left for the last time. Mom broke permanently. Her saving place was church so I drove her there. It was a great way to practice driving. What I didn't know is how badly I needed to feel loved. The church, my friends, "god" gave that to me. I became a real Bible thumper for about 2 years until my youth pastor and I got into a discussion about my mother -her boyfriend and that by her having Sex out of Marriage with him and she did not ask for forgiveness this would mean she would go to Hell. Now I could think of many of the reasons / fights both my Mother and I should both feel the flames of fiery torment.. I mean the screaming matches we had, the abuse, the depression and suicide attempts.. But God would DAMN her for feeling and ounce of love toward a man that loved her back.. Hello Angry 10 year old.. I rejected the youth pastor.. Not God this time.. But I also started questioning the "Conservative rigid" side of FAITH, Religion.. ideals.
For example: If everyone is suppose to be Christian by God's order. Then why are there baby Buddhist, Muslims, Jews, Jains, Hindu's. God creates everyone as they are suppose to be created yes?? If Christianity is the faith of the world.. Why did Buddhism develop go on for so long and continue and well be separated by some of the tallest, highest most treacherous mountains in the world. God created the world correct, nature.. its all in his/her plan.. So therefore Buddhism, Hinduism , Judaisms had to have a place in this plan. ..
If we are all god's children and God loves us as a parent/ creator loves the world. Then isn't god's saving power to all of us not just through one messenger. I mean if Avery isn't listening I engage others, people of influence in her life to help. In the end I want her to contribute good to the world, stay healthy, love, be kind, responsible. Isn't this most hope of parents for most Children.. So if God is acting like a parent isn't that what God wants for everyone be the various belief systems that get us there??
If you can't tell I still play with these thoughts and tenants.. They drive me.. encourage me.
If we just focus on the reward of eternal life and not the life lived aren't we missing the point??? It's like Avery focusing on the GIFT at Christmas and not the reason for giving.
I found a church in College and a ministry couple and family that adopted me and my curiosity. The Lesson that I hear in my brain today 15 years later is the responsibility of a Christian is to find out how god is working in their life on a daily basis. "Thank you Brenda". It's a mantra that is said silently subconsciously.
I had friends of various religious backgrounds, ethnicity's, and sexuality and one of the best "CHRISTIANs" i ever have known happens to be extremely Jewish.. She is sweet, brilliant, kind,compassionate, and driven. I strive to have some of her kindness, thought and temperament in my life. Some would label:"it is Christ like" It is who she is.. born jewish, raised jewish and like many of us, her faith is part of her but not her entirety. I am blessed to have her as a friend. Some have answered it is my job to "save her", I have answered maybe it is she who is saving us.
I left college with the plan to go into ministry. And then I got married which actually was a bigger risk for me. During that time while I was going through candidate process the United Methodist Church banned three Ministers for performing Same Sex Marriages. I dropped out of the ministry route. How could I support an organization that excluded verses included. How could they deny the love of two consenting adults for one another and how could they ever accept me a Bi-Sexual Minister teaching about God's love and acceptance and forgiveness. Where was the GRACE in this?
I went to social work. I worked with dual diagnosis adults, homelessness and domestic violence. Addicts, geriatrics, at risk youth, boys detention/ counseling center for young families, and prevention programs for young mothers and fathers. What I learned: I became extremely jaded to shield myself from some of the atrocity's of this country where our biggest problem is exclusion. That religion can be an addiction, that many churches used the acceptance of god to give relief to the needy and that I really respect the local Catholic Charities at that time that said all people deserve to be safe, clothed and fed. God wasn't in the show but the need for power, control, feeling better then others was. Be it a mother quoting scripture to me about why I needed to support the less fortunate when she had spent money on cigarettes instead of diapers and spanked her child after he threw a chair during Jerry Springer, or the organization that chose to make women attend Bible study twice a week before giving them groceries for the month. The use of God as a weapon a tool to gain was everywhere..
I left religion, I left social work.. I went to computers and got divorced. I invested in friends, and created a family. I have had and do discuss God the Bible, truth meaning, it's actually one of my favorite discussions. I like to know why people believe what they believe, Sometimes its family of origin, safety, needing a 12 step plan to get the reward at the end, sometimes it an I am right issue. Sometimes its truly just faith, belief, interpersonal drive, quiet code that isn't discussed.. I have in my life those who I consider Authentic.. by that I mean they live a life because it is them and to the core know.. Be it Science, be it Christ, be it a mingling of church, family, friends.
Over time my belief of SIN is something based on selfishness.Honestly the MOP rules come to mind. Does it harm myself, others, property.. It focuses just on personal gain in no regards for all those that it affects. Be it addiction, hoarding, sex, religion, words.. and to that belief, I have sinned , i do sin and I am trying my best to lesson it on a daily basis, ask forgiveness of those I have wronged and move on with a life of authenticity by being aware, trying to make a difference in choices I make, behaviors I chose, and the way I interact with the world around.
I recognize the creation before me, the life as a gift and the wonderful souls that I am blessed to have time to share these journey's around the sun with. I have a child against the scientific odds and she is the best life changing choice I have had to make.. And in all this I find GRACE..
When going through the divorce I found myself one night curled up in a ball on the floor feeling pain shoot out from my heart to my finger tips.. My soul was crying out. It was so immense and intense that at that moment I knew why people took their own lives. If this was an inkling of what they felt.... My dog came over with a gooey raw hide and dropped in on my head.. I pushed it away.. Again Connor dropped it.. I prayed silently for strength, for endurance, for wisdom. Connor licked my face and the pain subsided and I felt calm. Not pain free but calm. In this moment with my dog's love and strength I also felt "God" and was reminded that I have everything I need to make it in this life. LOVE, Strength, Endurance, Kindness and Compassion. and the discipline to lift myself up off the floor, wipe me off and go take my dog for a walk.
I have many healing moments like this, with Atheist Scientific friends, huggers, non-huggers who spontaneously hugged, pick me ups, moments of stark reality. In all of this I find the connection, I find "God". I claim Christianity as my base of Faith not for the "Gift at the End" but because I find the walk of the life worth living. I find Compassion, Tolerance, Love, Discipline, Seeing past the muck and the grime toward the worth and the potential and encouraging people to be that as what we are suppose to be doing, no matter who we are.
It is the mantra in the daily of my life. It is my code..my value. It is my journey, my faith.
I remember being 10.. crossing the street and thinking.. "if there is a God, then this God does not care about me and so I don't care about this GOD. IE God doesn't exist." It was an interesting time in the least at my house. My father had left for the second time in my life. All my siblings were away. Carl and Suzanne at College, Mike was out in the real world. I was home with Mom. What I saw at times was a woman broken. A woman who prayed and there was "no deliverance" for me, her, US.. I would go home to find her curled up in such despair that she was unreachable. Checked out.. At times she would snap out of it.. and be vested but alot of this time was alone and in my head. My father came back, chaos remained and I went along silently.
15 .. dad left for the last time. Mom broke permanently. Her saving place was church so I drove her there. It was a great way to practice driving. What I didn't know is how badly I needed to feel loved. The church, my friends, "god" gave that to me. I became a real Bible thumper for about 2 years until my youth pastor and I got into a discussion about my mother -her boyfriend and that by her having Sex out of Marriage with him and she did not ask for forgiveness this would mean she would go to Hell. Now I could think of many of the reasons / fights both my Mother and I should both feel the flames of fiery torment.. I mean the screaming matches we had, the abuse, the depression and suicide attempts.. But God would DAMN her for feeling and ounce of love toward a man that loved her back.. Hello Angry 10 year old.. I rejected the youth pastor.. Not God this time.. But I also started questioning the "Conservative rigid" side of FAITH, Religion.. ideals.
For example: If everyone is suppose to be Christian by God's order. Then why are there baby Buddhist, Muslims, Jews, Jains, Hindu's. God creates everyone as they are suppose to be created yes?? If Christianity is the faith of the world.. Why did Buddhism develop go on for so long and continue and well be separated by some of the tallest, highest most treacherous mountains in the world. God created the world correct, nature.. its all in his/her plan.. So therefore Buddhism, Hinduism , Judaisms had to have a place in this plan. ..
If we are all god's children and God loves us as a parent/ creator loves the world. Then isn't god's saving power to all of us not just through one messenger. I mean if Avery isn't listening I engage others, people of influence in her life to help. In the end I want her to contribute good to the world, stay healthy, love, be kind, responsible. Isn't this most hope of parents for most Children.. So if God is acting like a parent isn't that what God wants for everyone be the various belief systems that get us there??
If you can't tell I still play with these thoughts and tenants.. They drive me.. encourage me.
If we just focus on the reward of eternal life and not the life lived aren't we missing the point??? It's like Avery focusing on the GIFT at Christmas and not the reason for giving.
I found a church in College and a ministry couple and family that adopted me and my curiosity. The Lesson that I hear in my brain today 15 years later is the responsibility of a Christian is to find out how god is working in their life on a daily basis. "Thank you Brenda". It's a mantra that is said silently subconsciously.
I had friends of various religious backgrounds, ethnicity's, and sexuality and one of the best "CHRISTIANs" i ever have known happens to be extremely Jewish.. She is sweet, brilliant, kind,compassionate, and driven. I strive to have some of her kindness, thought and temperament in my life. Some would label:"it is Christ like" It is who she is.. born jewish, raised jewish and like many of us, her faith is part of her but not her entirety. I am blessed to have her as a friend. Some have answered it is my job to "save her", I have answered maybe it is she who is saving us.
I left college with the plan to go into ministry. And then I got married which actually was a bigger risk for me. During that time while I was going through candidate process the United Methodist Church banned three Ministers for performing Same Sex Marriages. I dropped out of the ministry route. How could I support an organization that excluded verses included. How could they deny the love of two consenting adults for one another and how could they ever accept me a Bi-Sexual Minister teaching about God's love and acceptance and forgiveness. Where was the GRACE in this?
I went to social work. I worked with dual diagnosis adults, homelessness and domestic violence. Addicts, geriatrics, at risk youth, boys detention/ counseling center for young families, and prevention programs for young mothers and fathers. What I learned: I became extremely jaded to shield myself from some of the atrocity's of this country where our biggest problem is exclusion. That religion can be an addiction, that many churches used the acceptance of god to give relief to the needy and that I really respect the local Catholic Charities at that time that said all people deserve to be safe, clothed and fed. God wasn't in the show but the need for power, control, feeling better then others was. Be it a mother quoting scripture to me about why I needed to support the less fortunate when she had spent money on cigarettes instead of diapers and spanked her child after he threw a chair during Jerry Springer, or the organization that chose to make women attend Bible study twice a week before giving them groceries for the month. The use of God as a weapon a tool to gain was everywhere..
I left religion, I left social work.. I went to computers and got divorced. I invested in friends, and created a family. I have had and do discuss God the Bible, truth meaning, it's actually one of my favorite discussions. I like to know why people believe what they believe, Sometimes its family of origin, safety, needing a 12 step plan to get the reward at the end, sometimes it an I am right issue. Sometimes its truly just faith, belief, interpersonal drive, quiet code that isn't discussed.. I have in my life those who I consider Authentic.. by that I mean they live a life because it is them and to the core know.. Be it Science, be it Christ, be it a mingling of church, family, friends.
Over time my belief of SIN is something based on selfishness.Honestly the MOP rules come to mind. Does it harm myself, others, property.. It focuses just on personal gain in no regards for all those that it affects. Be it addiction, hoarding, sex, religion, words.. and to that belief, I have sinned , i do sin and I am trying my best to lesson it on a daily basis, ask forgiveness of those I have wronged and move on with a life of authenticity by being aware, trying to make a difference in choices I make, behaviors I chose, and the way I interact with the world around.
I recognize the creation before me, the life as a gift and the wonderful souls that I am blessed to have time to share these journey's around the sun with. I have a child against the scientific odds and she is the best life changing choice I have had to make.. And in all this I find GRACE..
When going through the divorce I found myself one night curled up in a ball on the floor feeling pain shoot out from my heart to my finger tips.. My soul was crying out. It was so immense and intense that at that moment I knew why people took their own lives. If this was an inkling of what they felt.... My dog came over with a gooey raw hide and dropped in on my head.. I pushed it away.. Again Connor dropped it.. I prayed silently for strength, for endurance, for wisdom. Connor licked my face and the pain subsided and I felt calm. Not pain free but calm. In this moment with my dog's love and strength I also felt "God" and was reminded that I have everything I need to make it in this life. LOVE, Strength, Endurance, Kindness and Compassion. and the discipline to lift myself up off the floor, wipe me off and go take my dog for a walk.
I have many healing moments like this, with Atheist Scientific friends, huggers, non-huggers who spontaneously hugged, pick me ups, moments of stark reality. In all of this I find the connection, I find "God". I claim Christianity as my base of Faith not for the "Gift at the End" but because I find the walk of the life worth living. I find Compassion, Tolerance, Love, Discipline, Seeing past the muck and the grime toward the worth and the potential and encouraging people to be that as what we are suppose to be doing, no matter who we are.
It is the mantra in the daily of my life. It is my code..my value. It is my journey, my faith.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Yelling from the Bleachers.. or Get in the Game
BLHAH BLAH.. Get in there, BAD Call .. BOOO HISSS.. Yells the parent, the fan, you know the guy next to you in the bleachers. Or maybe its you.
We hear the same mentality at work, on TV.. not good enough, can you believe she did that.. "This group is so bad, look at their incompetency"..
I have sat in the bleachers too.. having judgement.. at times throwing out my negativity in the winds that would carry it to whomever would listen. I have even framed it in the "well sometimes the truth hurts.. but reality is what it is."
I have also been the player on the field. The batter in the box, the coach, the worker, the manager, sister, aunt, consultant..wife, ex-wife, lover, ex-lover, Partner.. Mother.
What I am learning, have learned is that thinking before shouting is a good idea. That when my mother said if you don't have anything nice to say .. The message was truly about framing. Yes sometimes there is a bad call, a wrong that needs to be righted. Corrections to paths that are going astray. and in that when delivering the message Firmness is different from Meanness.
That yelling from the bleachers ..is just spreading negativity to the winds. Its like a sneeze in an airplane. Infectious and spreads quickly. It does nothing to make me a better person, does nothing to help the situation at hand. It doesn't bring peace, resolution, solidarity, gain. It just brings a caustic loudness that is painful to the soul and ones ears.
Yelling from the bleachers it does nothing .. hmm.. But players who have to be team-mates with people they don't like, runners who go back and help an opponent make it across the finish line. People who recover from their mistakes to come back and help the team win, and sometimes just finish or show up. Those are the people I admire.
I believe this metaphor, this experience, has influenced the way I look at leaders, success. I don't vote for the person who yells the loudest. I don't go for the "have to take a firm stand", no bi-partisanship, AKA no compromise, no getting along with people who have differences of opinion. How can we as a people of vast differences come together when we elect leaders who are rigid in their acceptance and actions. How can we be a team when the person we have raised up is one of the people that yells from the Bleachers and really isn't in the game.
When growing up playing sport, I was lucky. Our team (basic same group of softball players played together for about 8 years) had a block of parents that encouraged, clapped at our effort and our success. They picked us up when we were bruised battered and torn. When we showed "attitude" we were quickly reminded that this was about getting along, doing our job, with the Ref, the other team in some aspects, coaches and team-mates. The block of parents also weeded out the "Yellers." They would make statements like "don't listen to it.. Do your best.." Come on girls..There was always a pat on the back.
FYI: We did win the tournament, I believe 6 years out of the years I played and the other two we were runner up. Not back from 8-16. So the positive, the encouragement created an environment that we thrived in.
I admired these souls. These people who taught me as much about what it was to work in the real world, to manage, to participate to be an active member in my family, with my friends, my daughter.
As I look around to the world that I am raising Avery in, I wonder, probably as many of us have before me.. Are we taking steps forward or backwards? What is our morale compass? Who are the right leaders to continue to help our nation, our society be strong? How will we as the United States be united in respect, tolerance, growth? How will we be prompted to work with each other as a team? Because in this land of individuals .. We are are team.. Our individual performance and decision affects the group and the group affects the nation.. and in return. The guys yelling from the bleachers .. mostly are just hollow..
I am looking for a coach, a leader, someone in the game.. working to make a difference. Often these individuals are more quiet but stern, Thoughtful and take action when they need to. They tend to be about joining people.. not dividing people. Looking at the skills that are brought to the table .. not the reason why the person shouldn't be at the table. They utilize their players to make the team stronger.. Taking strengths to off set limits and they work to make the group stronger as a whole while still respecting the individual.
I am looking for that Coach in my leader this year. Someone with Vision.. Someone who can mentor, speak, change the plans/plays when they need to, surrounds themselves with wisdom. I am looking for depth, and wisdom. I am know I am in the game, I live it daily.. discussing with friends equal opportunity for all, supporting my local school, What is government truly meant to be, raising Ittie to be an appreciative, active and respectful citizen that has a voice and thinks for her self and also about the group...No yelling from the bleachers here.. We are all players .
We hear the same mentality at work, on TV.. not good enough, can you believe she did that.. "This group is so bad, look at their incompetency"..
I have sat in the bleachers too.. having judgement.. at times throwing out my negativity in the winds that would carry it to whomever would listen. I have even framed it in the "well sometimes the truth hurts.. but reality is what it is."
I have also been the player on the field. The batter in the box, the coach, the worker, the manager, sister, aunt, consultant..wife, ex-wife, lover, ex-lover, Partner.. Mother.
What I am learning, have learned is that thinking before shouting is a good idea. That when my mother said if you don't have anything nice to say .. The message was truly about framing. Yes sometimes there is a bad call, a wrong that needs to be righted. Corrections to paths that are going astray. and in that when delivering the message Firmness is different from Meanness.
That yelling from the bleachers ..is just spreading negativity to the winds. Its like a sneeze in an airplane. Infectious and spreads quickly. It does nothing to make me a better person, does nothing to help the situation at hand. It doesn't bring peace, resolution, solidarity, gain. It just brings a caustic loudness that is painful to the soul and ones ears.
Yelling from the bleachers it does nothing .. hmm.. But players who have to be team-mates with people they don't like, runners who go back and help an opponent make it across the finish line. People who recover from their mistakes to come back and help the team win, and sometimes just finish or show up. Those are the people I admire.
I believe this metaphor, this experience, has influenced the way I look at leaders, success. I don't vote for the person who yells the loudest. I don't go for the "have to take a firm stand", no bi-partisanship, AKA no compromise, no getting along with people who have differences of opinion. How can we as a people of vast differences come together when we elect leaders who are rigid in their acceptance and actions. How can we be a team when the person we have raised up is one of the people that yells from the Bleachers and really isn't in the game.
When growing up playing sport, I was lucky. Our team (basic same group of softball players played together for about 8 years) had a block of parents that encouraged, clapped at our effort and our success. They picked us up when we were bruised battered and torn. When we showed "attitude" we were quickly reminded that this was about getting along, doing our job, with the Ref, the other team in some aspects, coaches and team-mates. The block of parents also weeded out the "Yellers." They would make statements like "don't listen to it.. Do your best.." Come on girls..There was always a pat on the back.
FYI: We did win the tournament, I believe 6 years out of the years I played and the other two we were runner up. Not back from 8-16. So the positive, the encouragement created an environment that we thrived in.
I admired these souls. These people who taught me as much about what it was to work in the real world, to manage, to participate to be an active member in my family, with my friends, my daughter.
As I look around to the world that I am raising Avery in, I wonder, probably as many of us have before me.. Are we taking steps forward or backwards? What is our morale compass? Who are the right leaders to continue to help our nation, our society be strong? How will we as the United States be united in respect, tolerance, growth? How will we be prompted to work with each other as a team? Because in this land of individuals .. We are are team.. Our individual performance and decision affects the group and the group affects the nation.. and in return. The guys yelling from the bleachers .. mostly are just hollow..
I am looking for a coach, a leader, someone in the game.. working to make a difference. Often these individuals are more quiet but stern, Thoughtful and take action when they need to. They tend to be about joining people.. not dividing people. Looking at the skills that are brought to the table .. not the reason why the person shouldn't be at the table. They utilize their players to make the team stronger.. Taking strengths to off set limits and they work to make the group stronger as a whole while still respecting the individual.
I am looking for that Coach in my leader this year. Someone with Vision.. Someone who can mentor, speak, change the plans/plays when they need to, surrounds themselves with wisdom. I am looking for depth, and wisdom. I am know I am in the game, I live it daily.. discussing with friends equal opportunity for all, supporting my local school, What is government truly meant to be, raising Ittie to be an appreciative, active and respectful citizen that has a voice and thinks for her self and also about the group...No yelling from the bleachers here.. We are all players .
Friday, August 3, 2012
Making of Memories the summer of 6
The sun takes its time setting at the front of the house.
Golden rays paint the barn, grass and trees.. their shadows stretching out long and slow their finale grandeur at the end of the day.
We are gathered in the grass between the barn and house.. Working.. talking, playing.. alternating between.
Ittie runs between puppy, kitten, chicks and ducks... To her swing set/ aka pirate ship and then she sees the first one in the dwindling light.. The lightning bug rises and the hunt is now on..
I have moved to my usual herding of the poultry. Harriet is joining me or finishing up the evening touches on our current project before she moves to the barnyard to close doors and find hidden roosted feathery beings.
Long days to slow evenings/ nights and Ittie gets to linger in the twilight running chasing and caught into the disappearing/ reappearing act of the magical fireflies.
These are her summer days and ours. It's a different view on this side of the fence. I I remember gathering fireflies and putting them in a mayo jar that I had punched holes in the lid with an ice pick.. I loved this time.. It was amazing the relaxed non scheduled freedom to be me and discover.. I love that Ittie is getting a similar experience.
Sitting on the stoop watching the stars. The sky is illuminated with pin points of twinkles with little interference from the city lights. The brilliance is amazing and the depth of the darkness interrupted creates the perfect balance for pondering of dragons and quests.
I watch Ittie and I am thankful for the opportunities that this extended break gives her. The freedom to be 6 and vastness to exercise that energy and imagination. Ittie has the opportunity of shows and plays with papa, time with her great aunt, horse camp, and the general day to day discovery, growth, courage and balance. Ittie has the opportunity of childhood memories.
Golden rays paint the barn, grass and trees.. their shadows stretching out long and slow their finale grandeur at the end of the day.
We are gathered in the grass between the barn and house.. Working.. talking, playing.. alternating between.
Ittie runs between puppy, kitten, chicks and ducks... To her swing set/ aka pirate ship and then she sees the first one in the dwindling light.. The lightning bug rises and the hunt is now on..
I have moved to my usual herding of the poultry. Harriet is joining me or finishing up the evening touches on our current project before she moves to the barnyard to close doors and find hidden roosted feathery beings.
Long days to slow evenings/ nights and Ittie gets to linger in the twilight running chasing and caught into the disappearing/ reappearing act of the magical fireflies.
These are her summer days and ours. It's a different view on this side of the fence. I I remember gathering fireflies and putting them in a mayo jar that I had punched holes in the lid with an ice pick.. I loved this time.. It was amazing the relaxed non scheduled freedom to be me and discover.. I love that Ittie is getting a similar experience.
Sitting on the stoop watching the stars. The sky is illuminated with pin points of twinkles with little interference from the city lights. The brilliance is amazing and the depth of the darkness interrupted creates the perfect balance for pondering of dragons and quests.
I watch Ittie and I am thankful for the opportunities that this extended break gives her. The freedom to be 6 and vastness to exercise that energy and imagination. Ittie has the opportunity of shows and plays with papa, time with her great aunt, horse camp, and the general day to day discovery, growth, courage and balance. Ittie has the opportunity of childhood memories.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Eating Air and othe glorious ponderings..
"Mom"
Yes Ittie
"mom"
Yes Ittie
MOMMMMmmmmm
YES ITTIE..
My Tooth is loose .. look.. "she wiggles the front tooth bag and forth proudly"
Can I eat an apple, Will the tooth fairy be able to find my tooth if it got stuck in the apple and we threw it away.
Yes Ittie we would get it out of the apple before we threw it away.
Well .. The tooth fairy has magic and would find the tooth Ittie..
"Would I get money for it"
Yes Ittie the tooth fairy is in charge of tooth collection and she pays for any tooth.
"What if a dog ate the apple before we got the tooth out of it and it was in the dogs belly."
(note refrain from going through where the tooth will come out of)
Harriet pipes in at my ponderment of dog digestion and says.. The tooth fairy's magic wand brings the tooth up and out of the dogs tummy through the mouth while the dog sleeps so she would still get it..
(Thank God for Harriet because all I had was well she will do what mommy has had to do when the dog has eaten other valuables wait on nature .. all things pass)
Ittie goes back to waggling the tooth..
later at friends house>
"Diane look my tooth is loose"
We have some string and a doorknob.. wrap it around there all said with a smirk..
Avery looks at Diane suspiciously moves to the other side of the counter just for good measure.. "no" waggle waggle waggle with the tooth.. But look it wiggles.
"Do you have and apple" "mom'
Yes Ittie
"mom"
Yes Ittie
"Mommmmmm"
Yes Itttttttieeeeee
"When I have no teeth will I be able to eat"
(no teeth is she talking in senior citizen years.. nah.. OK>>> um how to answer)
Ittie your teeth aren't going to all fall out at once.. Some will fall out as others are growing in.
"MOm"
Yes Ittie..
"So when I have no teeth it will be hard to eat apples.. "
(OK well that one didn't work.. I look over to see her making the lips over teeth "gum face" smacking them together and making verbal like sounds.. trying to figure out what it will be like.. Yep she's lost in this ponder for a bit)
Yep Ittie you will have to eat it as Apple Sauce.
"HMMM"
Mom..
Yes Ittie
Mom
Yes Ittie.
MOm
Ittie..
If the ground caved into a big hole and the train with people crashed into it.. and no one was hurt but they lived underground and never came back up..
(What has she been watching at her fathers!! ) OK Ittie??
Except to eat catch and eat people .. and if it was for real not fake what would you think..
(WHAAAT.. channel calmness..) Well Ittie I would be happy that everyone was initially safe from the wreck but would find it gross and hope that they would stop eating people.
"OH.. What if they grabbed me and took me in the hole.."
That's easy Ittie I would have to dive down in the hole.. fight them and get you to safety because I am a mama bear and will protect you..grrrr (since we are talking about reality here)
<Ittie smiles>< yep that was what we were going for >
"AHHHHHHHH...."
What are you doing Ittie
"Eating Air.. .... AHHHH... It's good you should try it.. AHHHHH"
<two different >AHHHHH .. Yep Ittie this is Pretty good air.
This is my life right now.. an imaginative world full of adventure. Secret questions of safety and worth built into stories.
The world around me has become big again as clouds become the shapes of creatures named and in the imagination. Stories waiting to be told. The Pond on the farm I hear has a big sea creature sometimes nice sometimes not. Avery seems to be the only one who has spotted it so far.
There are wood sprites and water fairies. Angels and monsters. Wee People and giants. Magic and sparkles. Pirates and Mermaids. .. All in the land of the Mighty Pink Princess.
This brief moment in our journey is a glorious one..I bathe in it's energy and challenge of the ordinary.
Grit it's whats for dinner..
"Ittie it's not just about you, it is about everyone that is in this house" a phrase heard from time to time. When the I wants and why can't I have and but that's not fair... pop up.
I grew up believing in statements like provide opportunity for all, protect the weak, go for the WIN WIN, be a humble winner and a noble looser. Bullying and my or the highway isn't OK. Everyone has a voice. Don't go for what is popular.. go for what is right.
I am raising Ittie with the same sayings same ideals because I believe they show integrity and grit. I don't believe that these attributes come from "my way or the highway".. "We need people that make hard decisions". I believe the latter are cliches, slogans for the "tough guys" but not grit. Grit is sitting down in the muck and figuring out how to rescue everyone. Grit is leave no man behind. Be him Muslim, Christian, Jew,Hindi, straight, gay, black, red, yellow, white.. etc.. Grit is weighing down and going against the tantruming force that says I want it this way.. I have to have it this way and pulls for a process that brings people together.
Grit is being an individual that understands the world before them, the country, state, county, city, township they live in is more diverse and full of life and difference then they can every understand and that through this diversity comes growth, discussion.. movement and humbling themselves to that.
I want to teach Ittie to have grit.. The stay in the saddle, get dust on your jeans, work hard, enjoy the sun. Hang in there..Use your head, know when to hold them, know when to fold them (thank you Kenny Rogers, Gambler) type of Grit..
So why is this so important such a hot topic in my mind. I find myself ever increasingly thinking about the actions I and my fellow citizens take today and how it will impact not just the next year or four but the next 20-60. I have a walking investment. A beating.. breathing, imaginative walking investment in this world. Actually I have one directly and the other 5 my brother and sisters did the hard part. The current rhetoric that they are hearing and exposed to: The Attitude of Might is right, Me first.. Quick solutions to long term problems that will take some time to fix are being address with non answers, or red herrings.
It's everywhere, "Educated Liberal" so are we saying education is a bad thing, that gaining knowledge and learning to discuss makes you liberal. I just thought that education broadened my perspective, helped me problem solve with creative solutions.. "We need to stop the bi-partisanship" AKA stop working with the people on the other side. We need people who can make tough decisions. While I absolutely agree with this. I believe it has been misconstrued as if to say its tough to do it my way..verses the flip side of this belief must be its the easy that it is to sit down with a person or group of people with all different ideas and work to come up with a good solution that isn't group think" Which one do you think is harder.
Ittie hears these slogans, bumper sticker sayings on the air waves, TV, from adults around us or her little friends mimicking what they hear from their family and she asks and or repeats what is said. "mama.. why does he have a tough decision" We a family value.. At I sit and think about the future for her ... my family .. what the elections hold for direction of truly making a difference in our society. I want thinkers and negotiators .. I want mom in office that cut coupons and can run a household budget on nickels and dimes but still understand how important it is for music, art education, play to be part of life. I want Avery to have a world that the basis to life is protected. The slogan's i would like to here.. JUST because we can .. Doesn't mean we should. Personal commitments to work together to resolve big issues. I want people with grit that will work hard, stay in the saddle.. I want dusty hard work..
This is not be picking a side of Republican, Libertarian, Democrat.. I believe extremism within any group is scary.. They offer quick easy solutions that work for sometime but lets look at the outcomes: Marxism that became (Stalanism and Lennonism), Nazi's, al-Qaeda, Kach, Kahane Chai, the Taliban. All began as a belief and discussion as solutions to issues. Strict solutions for unjust, hard economic times. They promised fixes, order, a certain level of safety and a greater society. They all blame other groups for the problems in society verses looking at themselves, and the diversity around them and working for the harder solutions. They all were my way or the highway.
When I think about grit.. Ihave the traditional image of the Lawman who would stand alone at first to the "outlaws'. He didn't want to be there. He could have road away but someone needed to stand up against tyranny for everyone. There he is . in the dusty street, leathery skin.. shadow of his hat over his eyes, duster flapping in the wind and his hands ready for action.. flexing.. Grit.
I also think of Movies like Family Stone, Dead Poets Society, Eat Pray Love, Under the Tuscan Sun, Finding Forrester, Good Will Hunting. The character's in these movies have grit. They are not flawless but they have courage to stand, to make change.. to move and teach us something in their wake. They have grit to face life and make a change to themselves to others.
While the character's may be fictional in the movies the values and lessons are not. Nor is the ideal or what we can aspire to. The real life gritty characters are even more astounding including a few off the top of my head: Queen Elizabeth 1, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Victoria Woodhull, Aung San Suu Kyi, Jeannette Rankin, Colin Powell and many more.
I head into this election with Ittie in hand, voting for people hoping to continue to employ smart decisive and cooperative public servants. My daughter looks to me to keep her world secure, safe, creative and free and diverse. Tonight at my house as we listen to the news and discuss politics and attitudes in society, we will be having Grit for dinner.. What are you having at yours.
I grew up believing in statements like provide opportunity for all, protect the weak, go for the WIN WIN, be a humble winner and a noble looser. Bullying and my or the highway isn't OK. Everyone has a voice. Don't go for what is popular.. go for what is right.
I am raising Ittie with the same sayings same ideals because I believe they show integrity and grit. I don't believe that these attributes come from "my way or the highway".. "We need people that make hard decisions". I believe the latter are cliches, slogans for the "tough guys" but not grit. Grit is sitting down in the muck and figuring out how to rescue everyone. Grit is leave no man behind. Be him Muslim, Christian, Jew,Hindi, straight, gay, black, red, yellow, white.. etc.. Grit is weighing down and going against the tantruming force that says I want it this way.. I have to have it this way and pulls for a process that brings people together.
Grit is being an individual that understands the world before them, the country, state, county, city, township they live in is more diverse and full of life and difference then they can every understand and that through this diversity comes growth, discussion.. movement and humbling themselves to that.
I want to teach Ittie to have grit.. The stay in the saddle, get dust on your jeans, work hard, enjoy the sun. Hang in there..Use your head, know when to hold them, know when to fold them (thank you Kenny Rogers, Gambler) type of Grit..
So why is this so important such a hot topic in my mind. I find myself ever increasingly thinking about the actions I and my fellow citizens take today and how it will impact not just the next year or four but the next 20-60. I have a walking investment. A beating.. breathing, imaginative walking investment in this world. Actually I have one directly and the other 5 my brother and sisters did the hard part. The current rhetoric that they are hearing and exposed to: The Attitude of Might is right, Me first.. Quick solutions to long term problems that will take some time to fix are being address with non answers, or red herrings.
It's everywhere, "Educated Liberal" so are we saying education is a bad thing, that gaining knowledge and learning to discuss makes you liberal. I just thought that education broadened my perspective, helped me problem solve with creative solutions.. "We need to stop the bi-partisanship" AKA stop working with the people on the other side. We need people who can make tough decisions. While I absolutely agree with this. I believe it has been misconstrued as if to say its tough to do it my way..verses the flip side of this belief must be its the easy that it is to sit down with a person or group of people with all different ideas and work to come up with a good solution that isn't group think" Which one do you think is harder.
Ittie hears these slogans, bumper sticker sayings on the air waves, TV, from adults around us or her little friends mimicking what they hear from their family and she asks and or repeats what is said. "mama.. why does he have a tough decision" We a family value.. At I sit and think about the future for her ... my family .. what the elections hold for direction of truly making a difference in our society. I want thinkers and negotiators .. I want mom in office that cut coupons and can run a household budget on nickels and dimes but still understand how important it is for music, art education, play to be part of life. I want Avery to have a world that the basis to life is protected. The slogan's i would like to here.. JUST because we can .. Doesn't mean we should. Personal commitments to work together to resolve big issues. I want people with grit that will work hard, stay in the saddle.. I want dusty hard work..
This is not be picking a side of Republican, Libertarian, Democrat.. I believe extremism within any group is scary.. They offer quick easy solutions that work for sometime but lets look at the outcomes: Marxism that became (Stalanism and Lennonism), Nazi's, al-Qaeda, Kach, Kahane Chai, the Taliban. All began as a belief and discussion as solutions to issues. Strict solutions for unjust, hard economic times. They promised fixes, order, a certain level of safety and a greater society. They all blame other groups for the problems in society verses looking at themselves, and the diversity around them and working for the harder solutions. They all were my way or the highway.
When I think about grit.. Ihave the traditional image of the Lawman who would stand alone at first to the "outlaws'. He didn't want to be there. He could have road away but someone needed to stand up against tyranny for everyone. There he is . in the dusty street, leathery skin.. shadow of his hat over his eyes, duster flapping in the wind and his hands ready for action.. flexing.. Grit.
I also think of Movies like Family Stone, Dead Poets Society, Eat Pray Love, Under the Tuscan Sun, Finding Forrester, Good Will Hunting. The character's in these movies have grit. They are not flawless but they have courage to stand, to make change.. to move and teach us something in their wake. They have grit to face life and make a change to themselves to others.
While the character's may be fictional in the movies the values and lessons are not. Nor is the ideal or what we can aspire to. The real life gritty characters are even more astounding including a few off the top of my head: Queen Elizabeth 1, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Victoria Woodhull, Aung San Suu Kyi, Jeannette Rankin, Colin Powell and many more.
I head into this election with Ittie in hand, voting for people hoping to continue to employ smart decisive and cooperative public servants. My daughter looks to me to keep her world secure, safe, creative and free and diverse. Tonight at my house as we listen to the news and discuss politics and attitudes in society, we will be having Grit for dinner.. What are you having at yours.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Ignore a beautiful option
.....................<insert ring tone>....I reach over look and slide my finger from right to left.. IGNORE.. Yes really I did just ignore the call. Yes I may have ignored your call.. let me explain..
My current world. Emails, pages, phone calls, IM's, txts all day.. And now I live in a world that after work the prevailing belief is that if the phone beeps, toots, plays some melodic tone, vibrates, I need to pick it up. I must respond because whomever is sending me this message is so important that they need an immediate confirmation of receipt.. of their value .. of I have no idea.
I am from the days of rotary phones, long phone cords that gave you the privacy of talking in the stairwell when you were trying to have that private conversation with your friend. This was after you waited for the other family member to get off the phone. From the days when I heard stay off the phone I am expecting a call from your "grandmother" in the next hour. And you agonized as you waited for the hour to tick by.
The days that a busy signal meant something.. If someone didn't answer your call most likely they were doing something: dinner, being outside, hanging with friends or family.
Not that I want to return to rotary party lines and waiting on my daughter to get off the phone and the long distance bills of old.. I like my smart phone and I enjoy the convienance of it. However
Now we answer the phone during dinner, during the middle of a conversation with the person that we are actually having a face to face discord. We text while interacting with others. Courtesy and priority of who is in front of us has left the building in the need for instantaneous response. Have I done these very same things.. absolutely. Do I like myself for practicing this habit absolutely not.
I find it funny when I walk in a Doctor's office and there are now signs posted for you to put away your cell phone while you are meeting with the physician. REALLY we need a sign to remind us that our full attention should be given while consulting about our individual health???
Harriet and I are instituting a new rule at the dinner table. No CELL PHONES, no devices of any type. Yep its hard fast old fashion interaction for us and our younglings. Maybe we will even figure out the art of conversation again. Care about each other's day. Feel vested.
IGNORE is a beautiful thing. And if I ignore your call its not truly about you and your value to me. It's about valuing myself, my time and remembering there was a day when we couldn't always immediately get each other. We had to be creative. We had to learn to be OK in our silence, our alone space. It is about teaching Avery valuable lessons about boundaries, space, and silence, uninterrupted time together.
I am learning to value Silence.. I am learning to value attentiveness. More so today then anytime before. I am learning to value myself, my kid and my family and in that delayed gratification.
Yep delayed gratification aka impulse control.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deferred_gratification
Impulse Control helps us learn to wait, be patient, have realistic expectations of results. Helps us with our emotional responses control of our behavior. It lays a great foundation for how we interact in society. It helps us succeed, try again.. develop patience understand long term gains for work and effort and the continual need to perform.
http://www.timelessinformation.com/instant-vs-delayed-gratification/
With impulse control now couple that with silence: Silence is needed its a beautiful thing. It clears our minds. Allows me to focus. Listen truly listen be empathetic. Hear myself, hear my daughter, my partner come up with long term solutions that are creative and hopefully a win win for everyone involved. But the noise the immediate answering causes me to give short answers, bumper sticker thoughts. Quick answers to alleviate the stress the tensions of the demanding noise. I feel like my head becomes one big cliche, a front without much meaning. But the silence of the phone, the radio turned down or off gives such freedom.
In the end its about balance.. when to answer and when to not answer. It's about knowing with whom you are trying to communicate. It's getting some perspective and recognition that not all calls, texts, emails need an immediate answer. It's respecting that the individual we are trying to reach; well.. Has a life. It's understanding just because we can doesn't mean we should.
_____<ring tone> __ which way to slide my thumb.. right or left.. where am I .. who am I with. Who is calling? I'll call back. This moment I am enjoying for what it is.. this moment. Swish to the left.. Ignore .. a beautiful thing.
My current world. Emails, pages, phone calls, IM's, txts all day.. And now I live in a world that after work the prevailing belief is that if the phone beeps, toots, plays some melodic tone, vibrates, I need to pick it up. I must respond because whomever is sending me this message is so important that they need an immediate confirmation of receipt.. of their value .. of I have no idea.
I am from the days of rotary phones, long phone cords that gave you the privacy of talking in the stairwell when you were trying to have that private conversation with your friend. This was after you waited for the other family member to get off the phone. From the days when I heard stay off the phone I am expecting a call from your "grandmother" in the next hour. And you agonized as you waited for the hour to tick by.
The days that a busy signal meant something.. If someone didn't answer your call most likely they were doing something: dinner, being outside, hanging with friends or family.
Not that I want to return to rotary party lines and waiting on my daughter to get off the phone and the long distance bills of old.. I like my smart phone and I enjoy the convienance of it. However
Now we answer the phone during dinner, during the middle of a conversation with the person that we are actually having a face to face discord. We text while interacting with others. Courtesy and priority of who is in front of us has left the building in the need for instantaneous response. Have I done these very same things.. absolutely. Do I like myself for practicing this habit absolutely not.
I find it funny when I walk in a Doctor's office and there are now signs posted for you to put away your cell phone while you are meeting with the physician. REALLY we need a sign to remind us that our full attention should be given while consulting about our individual health???
Harriet and I are instituting a new rule at the dinner table. No CELL PHONES, no devices of any type. Yep its hard fast old fashion interaction for us and our younglings. Maybe we will even figure out the art of conversation again. Care about each other's day. Feel vested.
IGNORE is a beautiful thing. And if I ignore your call its not truly about you and your value to me. It's about valuing myself, my time and remembering there was a day when we couldn't always immediately get each other. We had to be creative. We had to learn to be OK in our silence, our alone space. It is about teaching Avery valuable lessons about boundaries, space, and silence, uninterrupted time together.
I am learning to value Silence.. I am learning to value attentiveness. More so today then anytime before. I am learning to value myself, my kid and my family and in that delayed gratification.
Yep delayed gratification aka impulse control.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deferred_gratification
Impulse Control helps us learn to wait, be patient, have realistic expectations of results. Helps us with our emotional responses control of our behavior. It lays a great foundation for how we interact in society. It helps us succeed, try again.. develop patience understand long term gains for work and effort and the continual need to perform.
http://www.timelessinformation.com/instant-vs-delayed-gratification/
With impulse control now couple that with silence: Silence is needed its a beautiful thing. It clears our minds. Allows me to focus. Listen truly listen be empathetic. Hear myself, hear my daughter, my partner come up with long term solutions that are creative and hopefully a win win for everyone involved. But the noise the immediate answering causes me to give short answers, bumper sticker thoughts. Quick answers to alleviate the stress the tensions of the demanding noise. I feel like my head becomes one big cliche, a front without much meaning. But the silence of the phone, the radio turned down or off gives such freedom.
In the end its about balance.. when to answer and when to not answer. It's about knowing with whom you are trying to communicate. It's getting some perspective and recognition that not all calls, texts, emails need an immediate answer. It's respecting that the individual we are trying to reach; well.. Has a life. It's understanding just because we can doesn't mean we should.
_____<ring tone> __ which way to slide my thumb.. right or left.. where am I .. who am I with. Who is calling? I'll call back. This moment I am enjoying for what it is.. this moment. Swish to the left.. Ignore .. a beautiful thing.
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